I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
