Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
