I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
