I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
