i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
