She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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