My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize