I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
