He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
