I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
