just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
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Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
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That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize