Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
