I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
