Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
