Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
