Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
