Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
