You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize