And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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