I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
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Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
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I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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