so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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