someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
