There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
