I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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