i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
