I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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