Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
