i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
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We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
