so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
