i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
