she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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