I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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