We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
