Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
