Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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