sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
