I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
