I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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