dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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