well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
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