i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
