One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
