Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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