I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
