I am midnight drunk by noon
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
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Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
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Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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