'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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