hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
