She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
