my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
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I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
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To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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