I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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