can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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