i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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