Well apparently he's into motor boating.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
This is classic penis vs brain.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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