i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
