one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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