It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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