There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
