Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
