That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
