Just fell off a train. Bad.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
