my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
