you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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