When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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