it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
