I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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