I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
