I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
