Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
