I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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